Reluctant Epiphanies

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34117735696088256482012-02-16T04:59:51.709-05:00Reluctant EpiphaniesYou are totally unique. Just like everyone else.Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.comBlogger181100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-28718117561537031952011-07-19T16:10:00.003-04:002011-07-19T16:16:05.541-04:00Flowers for Me.

I have always been smart. In grade school, my parents met with my teacher and the principal to discuss the possibility of me skipping the first grade and going directly from kindergarten into second grade. That’s right. I was totally ahead of the curve on finger painting and knowing my own phone number.The migraines started when I was a child too. My mom would talk to me in calm, soothing tones

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-89972432826246678872011-02-18T13:52:00.010-05:002011-02-18T14:27:29.078-05:00Torture and Other Suggestions for Tea Baggers

The Torture PartWhen I first heard the term "waterboarding" I thought it referred to some sort of fun, outdoor water sport. I figured it was like water skiing or something. Then I heard it associated with torture and Dick Cheney and I got a bit confused. Torture is bad and Dick Cheney is very bad, but water skiing seems fun. I mean, if you've never done it before, it could probably be a bit

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-67035956795602377282011-01-25T19:39:00.006-05:002011-02-01T14:07:44.742-05:00Strange Bedfellows

These are people I confuse with each other solely because, in my brain, their names are somehow similar. For example, when I hear someone talk about Bob Geldoff (which, granted, doesn't come up often), I have to do some mental gymnastics to figure out: porn weirdo or Live Aid dude?In no particular order:- Bob Geldoff and Bob Guccione (Humanitarian v. Porn Guy)- Robert Guillaume and Robert Goulet

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-23234242209434193242010-09-24T12:04:00.002-04:002010-09-24T12:27:16.826-04:00PT Cruiser Cruiser

I see cop cars all the time in my hood. I live two blocks from my city's police department. Although I'm used to being surrounded by the local fuzz, I still have that visceral reaction when I see one in my rear view mirror. You know what I'm talking about. The tightening in the stomach...the automatic check of the speedometer...the mental laundry list of reasonable excuses as to why I might

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-23903944787097079142010-09-22T20:39:00.007-04:002010-09-22T21:06:44.394-04:00Observations of no real importance.

A Few Things1. Today as I was walking out of the grocery store, I was assaulted by offensively loud music. I can safely say that even as a bona fide old person of 35 years, the volume of said music was ridiculously attention-seeking and excessive for a grocery store parking lot. The noise was coming from this monster truck/SUV monstrosity pictured. What made the situation camera phone worthy

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-63210578636327328462009-07-09T12:34:00.002-04:002009-07-09T12:47:25.274-04:00My Biggest Fears: Restroom Babies and Breaking Into My Own House

My biggest irrational fear is that I'll get pregnant, but I won't know it until my baby pops out onto the floor of a public restroom. Because of this, I take periodic pregnancy tests even though I'm on The Pill and my husband and I use condoms for back-up. Of course, the tests are always negative and I sleep easier for a few months.The upside to the surprise childbirth is that you're likely to

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-19466081768235466932009-05-23T14:49:00.004-04:002009-05-23T15:05:57.268-04:00Huanying.

I need to quit smoking. I want to quit before I go back to work, which means I have until Wednesday night. I'm sad about this, mostly because I like smoking, but also because I like the store where I buy my cigarettes.There's a little Stop-N-Rob store just around the corner from my house. I could walk there, but I don't. It's owned by a Chinese woman and (presumably) her daughter. They are

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-74053831808057058352009-05-13T14:02:00.003-04:002009-05-23T15:05:17.932-04:00Feeling Scandalous.

Yesterday, I had my naked body rubbed by a strange man.I've had several massages before, but the massage therapists were always female. I didn't specifically request females, they just always were. I guess I fell into the assumption that the professional is largely dominated by women. Women don't mind being touched by other women, and men certainly don't mind, so it just kind of

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-844059399735125352009-05-11T13:18:00.003-04:002009-05-11T13:37:57.094-04:00Random Thoughts

I'm tan. Not just "tan for me" but legitimately tan. I like it. I don't care if I'm courting skin cancer. I get myself checked over once a year by my dermatologist, and skin cancer has a 98% cure rate anyway. (Statistic courtesy of "The Office".) I spent most of my teenage years as a pale-faced semi-goth so I'm enjoying being golden brown. When I'm naked, it looks like I'm wearing a white

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-64668032679847221522009-03-11T16:45:00.002-04:002009-03-11T17:23:17.245-04:00Getting to know me.

Since I haven't felt inspired (read: pissed off) enough lately to write anything interesting, I'm taking the easy way out. Here's a generic list of questions I found on Al Gore's Internets. Enjoy.* Do you have any pets?I have two dogs: a Miniature Pinscher named Fletcher and a Tibetan Spaniel named Lucy. Both were adopted from Pet Pal Rescue in St. Petersburg, FL. In the interest of saving

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-82377415346664598052009-01-22T12:22:00.001-05:002009-01-22T12:27:58.100-05:00My New and Improved Nose

I have known for several years that I needed to get some work done on my jacked-up nose, but it wasn’t until Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz announced that they were having their deviated septums repaired that I could be bothered to do so. The desire to end my continuous sinus pain and be able to give my husband a blow job without having to wear a Breathe Right nasal strip may also have played

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-74307149047786563262008-06-27T13:29:00.011-04:002008-06-27T16:09:09.227-04:00Excuse me, stewardess? I speak "jive".

Just like Barbara Billingsly’s helpful white character in the 1980 comedy film Airplane, I’ve often found myself in a position to translate the urban vernacular (formerly known as jive, sometimes called Ebonics) to my lesser informed caucasian comrades.Jive, Black English Vernacular (BEV) or whatever you choose to call this urban dialect was initially developed by black protestors in the 1960s in

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-44894261508961804742008-05-17T17:02:00.003-04:002008-05-17T17:36:31.936-04:00No Pressure.

So, I've been getting the business from my blog fans demanding more works of genius, which is pretty much the cyber equivalent of yelling, "Dance, monkey! Dance!" Well, I'll strap on my blue suede shoes and see what I can come up with. (That's right. I ended that sentence with a preposition. Sometimes that's just how I roll.)Usually, I'm inspired to blog after encountering something out

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-45502390763052681252007-11-26T16:00:00.000-05:002007-11-26T16:12:13.000-05:00There's a new sheriff in town.

In an effort to reach (and ultimately annoy) as many people as possible, I'm moving my blog here. I'm cutting and pasting some of my favorite old blogs, because I'm full of myself.Enjoy.

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-38267089806310494582007-11-13T16:49:00.000-05:002007-11-26T16:50:46.423-05:00Caligula - Misunderstood emperor and all-around pervert.

I don't usually take my movie watching cues from Larry Flint, et al, but last month's Penthouse alerted me to a special occasion that might have otherwise gone unnoticed. This year is the 20th anniversary of "Caligula".I haven't been much for historical epics since Mel Gibson ruined Hamlet for me, but this was different. I had a vague recollection of hearing references to "Caligula" here and

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-1467786128248809732007-01-31T16:45:00.000-05:002007-11-26T16:52:07.536-05:00Heart rate up, hoes down.

I'm not one to be intimidated by the gym. I may not be in the best shape of my life right now, but I still know my way around the weight room. I'm not afraid to pick up a dumbbell. Shit, I have better form than most of the meatheads there, probably because I'm not really trying to impress anybody. But, apparently, I am the only one.Today I saw a young lady working out, wearing a sports bra

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-24564878977059950062006-08-02T16:33:00.000-04:002007-11-26T16:40:11.393-05:00Keep on truckin'.

I just got back from a little adventure.The power steering on my Dodge Ram 4X4 has been going bad lately. Mind you, a Dodge Ram 4X4 is not steerable without powered assistance. Pay attention as this will be important later.My husband and I, knowing nothing about cars, dumped in some more power steering fluid and called it good. Turns out, all was not...good.Today I took the truck out for some

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3411773569608825648.post-76738205431126259312005-05-20T16:02:00.000-04:002007-11-26T16:10:17.015-05:00The Shit Chronicles

Ok, so here's the deal. Based on an episode of Oprah and the fact that we are all, undoubtedly, full of shit, I've decided to cleanse my colon. Why not? I don't like the idea of walking around with 40 pounds of fecal matter embedded in my bowels and then dying on the crapper like Elvis. That being said, I'm going to post my experience in detail, so the squeamish might as well leave now.My chosen

Tina Babyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15304350653420994939noreply@blogger.com0