My biggest irrational fear is that I'll get pregnant, but I won't know it until my baby pops out onto the floor of a public restroom. Because of this, I take periodic pregnancy tests even though I'm on The Pill and my husband and I use condoms for back-up. Of course, the tests are always negative and I sleep easier for a few months.
The upside to the surprise childbirth is that you're likely to get your own special on TLC so people can see your story and marvel about how clueless you are. That's one way to get your fifteen minutes of fame. I fear though, that the woman they picked to play me in my toilet birth scene would be more overweight than I imagine myself to be and it would ruin the magic of the moment. Maybe that's my second irrational fear.
My biggest realistic fear is locking myself out of my own house. We have a garage door with a keypad, so this offers some degree of security, provided I remember to leave the side door to the house, inside the garage, unlocked. We don't have a key for that door, you see.
The lockout problem is a bigger issue in the backyard. We also don't have a key for the backdoor, not that it would matter. Who takes their keys out with them when they go into the backyard? My husband and I have locked ourselves out there before. Getting back into the house involves scaling the privacy fence and coming around to the front of the house, using the garage keypad to access the side door, and hoping said door is unlocked. Our fence has a gate, naturally, but it latches on the outside, which is why we have to climb the fence. We are both shorties and cannot reach the latch from the ground in the backyard. Why is the latch on the outside anyway? How does that provide security? I guess that would be a good question for the previous owners of this house.
So basically, if I get trapped in the backyard and don't have my husband to give me a boost over the fence, or the power goes out and I can't get into the garage, I am fucked. If I get fucked, and my birth control fails, I may end up on TLC squeezing a baby out onto a restroom floor.
It's a scary world out there.
2 hours ago
3 comments:
I have the same fear! LOL! Well, not about the baby thing. But I don't have a key to the "people" garage door. And our gate hardware is ghetto and I can't open it. And there is no WAY I could scale our fence without mass splinterage.
So I, too, would be fucked if I came home and the power was out.
PS...Facebook told me that Reese Witherspoon would portray me in any movie so I'm not so afraid of that. She's hot. Well....wait....now I'm afraid people would meet me in person after the movie and think DAMN, you are nowhere near as hot as Reese and twice her size.
Thanks :|
I lock myself out of something at least once a quarter. It keeps me sharp!
but...
...then again : )
what a r e the chances ? : )))
shhh... )
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