I'm not one to be intimidated by the gym. I may not be in the best shape of my life right now, but I still know my way around the weight room. I'm not afraid to pick up a dumbbell. Shit, I have better form than most of the meatheads there, probably because I'm not really trying to impress anybody. But, apparently, I am the only one.
Today I saw a young lady working out, wearing a sports bra and workout pants. This isn't that unusual, although I have to ask, "Is it that hard to put on a shirt?" It's really only one more step. Maybe she's afraid that with a shirt on, we wouldn't be able to tell how hot she is. I just hope she isn't planning on going to a gas station after working out, because, from what I understand, they still require shirts. (Thank you Circle K for maintaining a shred of decency!)
Shirtlessness aside, the problem with this young lady, is that she was also wearing her workout pants so low on her hips, that if she hadn't just had a recent bikini wax, I would have been able to tell whether or not she was a natural blonde. I'm not exaggerating here. I was thisclose to seeing her vertical grin.
For the love of God, why?? Am I alone in not understanding this? I realize I'm over 30, but Jesus H. Christ, am I that out of it? Why does common decency no longer prevail in public? Working out stresses my sad little body enough without my having to stifle the urge to vomit in my mouth.
In addition to Flashy McPubes, the powers that be at the gym also decided to annoy me by bringing in a DJ and playing loud, distorted music at Spinal Tap volume. Who's brilliant fucking idea was this? Are gyms known for their great acoustics? Nothing says quality sound like a room full of metal gym equipment. Morons. It sounded like shit. I turned my MP3 player up as loud as it would go to drown it out and I think I'm now partially deaf. Thanks Lifestyles Fitness.
When I asked the douchebag/employee behind the counter what the deal was with DJ Silicone, he said they do it once a month. He followed up with, "Isn't it awesome?" Dude. I just had like 319 flashbacks to my college days and frat parties with red solo cups. "No, it sucks," I replied. That wasn't received as well as I had planned.
"So you don't like music?" the other douchebag/employee said to me. Yes, that's it. I hate music. That's why I'm not creaming over your DJ disco dancing days here at Pussy Shots R' Us.
I just want to fucking work out, man.
1 hour ago
